listen please, honey

Everything Is Wrong.

2012-02-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

I like watching couples who are always together interact

Always making me feel like a third wheel

Always making me feel like I can never have that any time soon

Always rubbing it in my face

I thought you would always be the one to understand me

But I guess I was wrong about it

I thought you would be there for me

I tell myself that everything is fine all the time

That nothing is wrong with everything

Apparently I can lie to myself, maybe I can successfully lie to others too

I Have Never Loved Someone

2011-12-01T08:21:00.002+08:00

Just feeling a little bit mellow this morning :)

It suits the atmosphere for now

Damp and dark morning due to the rain

No movements outside my windows

Song softly playing from the speakers

Have a good day

salute!

Don't Take Me Tongue Tied

2011-11-29T07:36:00.002+08:00

This is my current favourite song

Very catchy and its not too worldly mainstream

I find the part when the woman sing is kinda odd.. but oh well

A friend once questioned me on fb 'what happened to your music taste? :O'

I learned that I don't give a shit about music taste

I like what I listen to, mainstream, bieber, country or whatever

I don't spend my time socializing as I use to do

I use to constantly contact my friends to go hang out

For drinks, shisha, or whatever

Since I finished up my industrial training

I find myself being quite the recluse

Being stuck with my own thoughts can be quite depressive

That being said I don't really release my pent up emotions properly

Its either when I meet up with someone I can never shut my mouth about myself

Or I release my anger on my semi patient boy

Or I release my anger on the worn out stuffed yellow and red punching bag at the studio

I got a huge enlightenment the other day

Not by choice bear in mind from my wonderful boy

Lets just say I had been on constant replay with the same thought

About my life, how I handle things and how I handle my life in general

The semi partying, drinking, weeding and... constant sexual acts

Feels like I need to repent soon

I just don't know when or if I am doing it for the right reasons which is for me or for other people?

I feel like a monkey with a headphone and a leash

Going all ape on people while being constrain by my idle mind and rampant changing emotions

As they say, idle mind is the devil's playground

Thus I need to find something that interest me quickly

Before my boy goes crazy... physically on my ass for being a manic bitch

Love you too!

Salute maniacs!

What's The Time What's The Day?

2011-08-21T06:36:00.002+08:00

I'm sure I've posted this song before

But I don't care

It's a great song, so it's all good

It's hard to distinguish what's right or what's wrong these days

At times it feels what I am thinking

What my principles are

What I stand for

Are totally correct

With supporting parties or evidence

But with just a voice of conviction from someone

It makes me double take

I stand to be corrected as it seems

I'm not making sense am I?

It doesn't matter

To you or to whoever that is reading this

Its hard to enjoy life when you are stuck in a monotonous life

All you do is work, sleep, work, and sleep

I try to enjoy the company of those who are worth it

Those who make an effort to see me

As it is painfully obvious

I'm not the kind of person that tries to keep in touch with people

Over the years I have lost quite a few close friends due to this bad habit

I've tried to change

But other things always comes in the way

So those who are close to me now

Should know that rarely I would seek them out

For a short meet up to catch up

Unless they ask for it

I apologize but it's something that I can hardly change

As it is

There are a handful of people that actually tries

Therefore these people are worth my time and effort to seek out

You know who you are

And I appreciate you guys even though I always make fun of you guys (:

The rest, are just meaningless people

It's hard to see your partner being nice to other people

In a way that is considered inappropriate

And you have to stand there looking at the obliviousness of your partner

Or seeing your partner ignoring your requests

Or seeing your partner being semi-cosy with girls in photos

At times its very tiring and emotionally heavy

With all the amount of heartache you give me

I might be a dramaqueen

But it should be illegal the way your brain works!

And I'm not saying in a nice way whatsoever

Work has been uninspiring

Yet it unable's me to blog often

There are some big decisions I have to make soon

But I'm not sure it is worth it

The time

The money

It's almost raya!

Salute!

What A Waste, What A Waste.

2011-07-24T22:55:00.002+08:00

If you try hard enough then i'll try hard enough for you

Don't make me the only one left hanging there waiting for you

Phones work both ways

Don't expect me to find you if YOU yourself can't be bothered to find me

Your not worth my effort old friend.

Salute

Almost Had It All.

2011-05-20T19:16:00.002+08:00

Great cover of Adele's original

As you notice I'm a great supporter of cover's

Originals are great but sometimes cover's just give it a different twist

I know someone (coughsyzcough) who doesn't like covers

A real devotee to the originals

This song is dedicated to someone I know

According to Wikipedia, certain friendship could be defined as below:

(1) Best friend (or the closest friend): A person with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.

(2) Casual relationship or "friends with benefits": A sexual or near-sexual and emotional relationship between two people who don't expect or demand to share a formal romantic relationship. This can also refer to a "hook-up".

(3) Cross-sex friendship: A person having a friend of the opposite sex with having little or no sexual or romantic activity

(4)Agentic Friendships: A friendship where both parties look toward each other for help in achieving practical goals in their personal and professional life.^[17] These friends help with completing projects, study for and exam, or help a friend move out. These types of friends value sharing time together, but only if there are no other priorities and the friend is actually available to help in the first place. Emotions and sharing of personal information is of no concern to this friend type.

MMMM interesting innit'?

There are other type of 'friendship' that is listed at wikipedia

Let's be honest here

I am pretty sure at one stage of our lives we would have one of those types that I had listed down

Sometimes these kind of friendship isn't healthy for us

Yet we still do it

We know it's wrong yet somehow you just can't stop yourself from committing it

Like when you see a huge steak

And your super hungry but your on a meat diet

You just can't help but eat the steak.. I mean... You are hungry

There are certain people in our lives that we can't JUST be friends with them

Its either we be super close or nothing at all

Okay I know I don't make sense here

But basically, for me

Once I am real close to you

It is hard for me to not be close to you

It's either I am your close friend or I'd only be an acquittance

I can't be JUST friends

I don't know why but my brain just can't compute being just friends

This past month has been hard on me

I feel like I've been worked to the bone with just paper works

I'm not saying I am knowledgeable in my field

But I think I've gotten a general concept on things

Because of work it's hard for me to update things

Since all I do is work, go studio, go back sleep and repeat

Thus on the weekend is purely dedicated to sleeping and hanging out with friends

Anyone who want's to hang with me let me know! :D

Received my result today

Sad as hell

But you can't change the past

Therefore I should just look forward

Work hard on my internship

Hopefully it would give me the push that I need for my CGPA

Salute!

Scattered Mind And The Works.

2011-04-27T04:45:00.002+08:00

It could be said that lack of sleep causes the inability to focus

Thus making it hard to be a productive citizen

Lets just say that at this moment I can't sleep at all

Which I know I have to pay the price tomorrow

I'm starting my internship tomorrow.. or should I say later?

Not only that, I have to instruct ALONE at the studio until 10.30

There is a lot playing in mind

One thought leads to another

Which inadvertently causes me to stay awake

Since this is my boring old blog, imma list down my thoughts just so I can go sleep

First, I may be having the starting a new work jitters

Such as is the people there accepting and friendly?

Are they mean and bitchy?

Would I be required to do or say something that is assumed I know, but in all reality I have no clue of what in the world is going on

Would the work be too much that I can't handle it?

Yes it's true that I'm over thinking it

But I've always been an over thinker

However someone said that I wasn't a thinker, more of a plotter and organizer

(Although it could be said that a plotter and organizer requires thinking to do those actions, apparently it isn't so.. I KNOW! Weird logic right?)

Secondly, I was hoping really bad that someone would come down this friday

I just wanted the comfort and support from that person

I mean after a stressing week(not really.. okay maybe yea with the starting new work and instructing alone thing), I really wanted to be comforted.. physically

And not in a sexual way you freaks

More like... I just want that person's presence around me

But due to other obligations, that person couldn't come down to see me

There was suggestions to meet on sunday

But I'm not sure I am keen on it

On seeing that person for awhile

Thirdly, I know it was my fault that the situation that has happen between a.. 'friend' and me became what it is now

In a way I needed it

I couldn't take the sting from seeing that person with other people

Not like I have the rights to be so, I have someone else

I am happy with that person, therefore it is just wrong to be feeling this way

For now all I can say is, I am sorry and you should be with the people you want to be

There are other things that are plaguing my mind

But I am too lazy to type it out

Hahahaaa..... *awkward silence*

Sooo anyways

Wish me luck for later!

Salute!

Interestingly Annoying My Dear.

2011-04-15T09:47:00.002+08:00

All I do is cough and clear my throat lately

I don't remember the time I don't do these acts (such a dramaqueen)

I'm all cranky and annoyed with this forever annoying tonsillitis and cough

I can't even exercise without coughing every few seconds

Thus making me unable to exercise... freaking annoying

I've been snapping at people randomly.. innocent people!

I've read this interesting article recently (like 10mins ago recently)

Its about how a guy's action could be misinterpreted into something else all together

It is definitely a must read for guys

Make sure to read it!

Salute

Almost The End But Not Quite, Hopefully.

2011-04-07T18:57:00.000+08:00

Life is interesting when you have nothing to do during your time
Maybe I am being a bit jaded
But I never realize all the flaws we have
We self depreciate ourselves
Yet those around us we let it fly past us
We never took stock as to what other people's flaws are
We criticise our behaviour every day, every moment
Yet when our friends or family act arrogant or disregard our feelings, we let it slide
Stating that 'oh he/she just didn't realize it'
Like that is an excuse to treat people that way
If we don't allow ourselves to do such actions, why should we let our close ones to do so?

On another note, I realize that I don't give a two fuck to those who doesn't care for my friendship
If my so call friends are going to treat me like shit
Or claim to be my bestfriend or close friends yet not act like it
Then they shouldn't be in my life
Yeah it sounds childish and immature
But I'm sure they would move on

If you don't contact me, don't expect me to contact you :)
Salute

Smile For Me, Ill Smile Back For You.

2011-03-23T12:04:00.002+08:00

The song maybe slow but it is good

I'm not sure if most people are into the tune

But its good for those who are into slow songs

I haven't updated in a long ass time

Mostly cause there's nothing to talk about

And cause I finally jumped in on the tumblr wagon

Although I can conclude that I prefer blogspot more than tumblr

Mostly on the fact that I'm not a blog hopper like most people so I don't see the appeal that much to reblog things

Anyways

My sister got her results today

She came in crying and laid down beside me on my bed

I'm not like most people that says encouraging things

Or I try not to

Cause if it was me crying and someone says those things

I would want to punch them in the throat just to shut them up

So all I asked was what was the result

And cheered her up

Onto another story

Finally got a bb

But this is for trial run

If I'm into it, I might get another one

This is the old curve 8520

My dad donated his old one after getting a torch

Give me your pin number if you want to BBM me :)

Salute kiddies

If I Could Say Anything To You

2011-03-13T10:57:00.002+08:00

Even when I am angry with you

It doesn't change how things are

Sometimes it doesn't seem that I feel the way that I do

But I do feel it

You are always at the back of my mind

I hope you feel the same too

Ending the studying part of degree

I am proud I got this far

When at times it doesn't feel that way

I hope I could get through the rest of the year without cracking

Salute people!

2011-03-13T02:35:00.002+08:00

You are bringing me down from my high with your attitude and emoness

You are emotionally heavy sometimes for me

Bored and Tired.

2011-03-02T09:12:00.002+08:00

You know what I hate?

I hate doing work

I hate presentations

And most of all

I hate not sleeping

I am sitting at a kedai mamak

With ms.imignoringyoutoday-ish

Trying to finish something that was given ages ago

But was only approved last week

To which we've only started last night

I started at 1am

Ngantuk sial

kbye

Random Whateverness.

2011-02-24T11:52:00.002+08:00

Aku tengah bosan.

Siapa mahu pergi dating dengan saya?

Atau mahu jadi anak ikan saya ke?

rvJKNRBUEHnvkfjsdnf

blegh

Balik cepat please!

(saja nak drama, but not really)

Why would you need to be embarrassed to be with me?

Aren't I awesome enough that you would want the world to know you are with me?

Think about it

Salute!

Y U SO CUTE?

2011-02-19T05:48:00.002+08:00

GAMAL IZ ZO CHOMEL!

Y U SO CHOMEL DUDE?!?!

Hahaha this song was recommended by someone

After it was recommended, that person totally regretted it

HAHAHAHA but the song is good so no harm no foul

Even though their english isn't clear at times

But these bunch can really sing!

Two thumbs up!

I'm pretty sure if I saw the dude on the street

I'll be staring the whole time heeheehee :P

Salute freaks!

Bass It Away.

2011-02-17T09:53:00.002+08:00

This girl is talented, talented, talented and just talented

I think she started performing this song when she was 20

Oh god. people these days

So talented!

Although jazz isn't my cup of tea

I can't help but recognize talent when I hear it! :D

Nice Advertisement

2011-02-07T14:19:00.001+08:00

These kind of ads are the type that forces people to think that being skinny is attractive and if your fat then you aren't attractive
Thats a huge topic to discuss, but not for todays post

I made an agreement with someone
About hitting the 25year old mark
I hope that person remembers it too
Its sad, but a person has to do what a person has to do to help others out

Salute

Dedicated To The Male Loser

2011-02-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Flexing your fat doesnt equate to having muscles

You need to start learning to do understandable cakar ayam

In order to write faster

I hope you don't menggelabah

Cause it isn't worth the time

If takley jawab memang takley la tu

Channel your stress to exercising!

Try it before you diss' it!

Okay your a loser

Thanks for reading

Salute

Pretty Girl With Nice Hair.

2011-02-02T07:25:00.002+08:00

I can't help but post this video

This girl is soo preetttyyy

Not only that

She can really sing!

But her downside is that she can't sing fast paced songs

Whatever it is... she is sooo gorgeous! :D

Heart Racing With Honey

2011-01-23T19:09:00.003+08:00

With closed fist

Hand covering and protecting

I still can't save myself from all the hits

All the hits you gave

Sometimes I believe that my face would change over time

Due to all the hits it gets from people

Can't people aim properly?

Try to hit things other than my face!

My poor poor face

Okay enough about my vanity

Anyone who is close to me would know

My aversion towards holidays

I can't have that much holidays

As in if I have nothing planned during holidays I would seriously hate it

I hate not doing anything

Just staying static at one place

Gaah, for realz man

I can only last one day tops

And recently I had a 4day holiday(still in it)

I rarely went out

Oh my god, I think I am going to die from boredom

I am so going to make next week pact with activities

I may be happy and blissfully content these few days

Yet I can't help but feel disheartened with certain things

I know we should talk

But I am really not sure if I am personally ready for it

Should we talk?

Salute

Fight Fight Fight.

2011-01-09T19:11:00.002+08:00

Saturday night was awesome

Today, I did try to cram in some studying

But failed since I have no mojo

Trying to continue in a bit

I am dreading tomorrow to start

Its a weird feeling pushing your pride aside for someone else

Its very... humiliating to say the least when the other person doesn't seem to appreciate that fact

A person can only do so much before it starts to hurt

How long must that person push away their ego

While the other just sits there basking in the fact that they don't have to do much

There was something I did that I regretted

I kind of regretted saying I wanted to be friends

But in all honesty we both know that isn't the truth

All I wanted to ask is what am I to you?

Friends? Best friends? Potential girlfriend? Scandal? In between of something person?

And the sad part is... the possibility of me knowing will be low

Its a sad thing that when I mentioned before that it was me who has to reach out first to most people

After that those people did try to reach out to me first... but only once or twice

Then it was back to me again to reach out

Sad sad sad fact

Some say that if you want something, you have to fight for it

But someone else said, if it was meant to be it would happen

Another saying goes screw fate, take charge of your own destiny

To counter that, let each puzzle piece to fall into its own place

Isn't it all contracting each other?

But it's true

A girl can only fight for something she wants so much

Before everything just becomes painful

And before the other person starts making it sound like it's a burden to talk to her

I was never subtle, even when I try

So maybe I should seriously back off

If you want me to continue being there

Seriously let me know

Or I would really back off

Finding a decent guy at a club is like a girl trying to find a girl friend in an all male school

Impossible

Salute

Neon Trees - Animal

2010-12-30T17:13:00.001+08:00

I know these past few songs are very cliché

But honestly I can really relate to it

In this song it is basically about two people who love or is attracted with each other

One person wants to get into a relationship but the other person doesn't

It could be because of caution or obligations

The person know's his/her heart would break but would take anything the other would give

Sad innit'?

I am as confused as a baby at a party

Don't know what to do

Yes I may be busy, but it is all repetitive

This gives me more time to ponder

I hate pondering

I hate thinking in general

Cause I never liked the outcome

What do I do?

Can you help me with it?

New years is coming up

First year celebrating it while being single for quite some time

Hummm.....

What are YOUR plans?

Have a good one dear whoever is reading this!

Salute

Could It Be Possible?

2010-12-28T10:54:00.002+08:00

I'd rather know what your thinking about than nothing at all

I'd rather know what is going on with you than not at all

It hurts but my hurt doesn't bother you does it?

Life is short

But your making it harder on yourself

Only because of your need to seek others approval

I would say you would die a lonely man if you keep that up

But it's probable you would find comfort in the nearest alcoholic bottle

Or with friends that you probably don't trust a whole lot

I know I sound like a bitch

But does it matter?

My opinion doesn't count anymore

Just because you love someone

Doesn't mean you have to be with them

As clearly demonstrated by someone

Salute

Wrap It With Foil.

2010-12-24T23:53:00.001+08:00

I might be a bit complicated
But who isn't?
Let me shed some logic to some of my thinking

For me
I usually go to people to get them to talk to me
I mean
If you agree to be my friend why can't you start talking to me?
Why can't you contact me first?
Why can't you ask me out?
I feel that lately thats all I do
Start talking to people
Start asking people out
To me if you don't start anything, it just means you don't want anything to do with me
This includes being friends or more with me

To ms.absinthe and ms.igethigheasily we should do it again sometimes
Twas fun!
Although the touchings and free drink was weird
But fuuunnn

Salute

Thump It Hurts.

2010-12-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

Main reason for the video was cause the guy was good looking haha.

Very shallow but oh well

Plus the song kind of goes with my brain and emotions right about now

I know it's my own fault

This mindfuck I'm going through right now

I know there can not be anything going on between us

Now or in the near future

It's my own fault to hope and think so

But I can't help it

I can't help but reach out to you even though you NEVER try to reach out to me anymore

It's as if I am the only one making an effort

To which I am

But ntah la

Like I said mindFuck

The seconds or minutes before falling asleep always seems like the most active time for my brain

It's as if my brain is trying to process everything that happen that day

Or trying to process all my feelings

Trying to digest my actions and reactions

It's kind of depressing

And honestly I hate it

I hate that moment

Cause all I can think and process lately is things that I can't have

Things that I wish I could have

MindFuck I tell ya

And the worst thing is that theres no reassurance from anyone about it

I know it sounds pathetic

But hey I never said it sounded great

Shout out to ms.ibreakeverything

Lets go ber-absinthe soon ;)

Salute!

Foncius Much My Dear?

2010-12-16T03:54:00.001+08:00

Dreaded thoughts in my head

All scattered around with no conclusive findings

Everything just seems so jumbled up

I need to put an end to it

But I have no idea how

It's like a never ending process

At first it would be fine

Then give me a few hours or days

Before I start relapsing and thinking of things I know I shouldn't

The possibilities, the chances

I shouldn't hope

But I am hoping

I shouldn't pray on it

But sometimes I do

I'm a sad case ain't I?

But you love me nonetheless

Or do you?

Due to exorbitant amount of course load

I think my brain just crashed

Thus my new nickname is scatterbrain

I need some cheering up right now

salute

Weirdly In Pain.

2010-12-13T17:40:00.001+08:00

I can stare at space for quite some time
Just thinking on one thing at a time
It could be life, games, 'friend's that I have or etc
Nowadays, I am too tired to actually think anymore
With the recent high fever and workload and other things
Life isn't being nice to me
Even so, its good that I am not thinking about certain things

Are you my friend?
Or just another human being I know?
What are you in my life already?
We barely speak to each other
Our knowledge of each other has lessen to almost nothing
So what do I do?

I can't wait for this sunday to come
Why is it so far ahead?
Salute dear whimsical brain

Lets Count Cars That Pass By.

2010-12-03T00:30:00.002+08:00

You sound so innocent

Like what your doing is very great

What your doing in your mind makes you a hero

A tragic hero in this age and time

But newsflash boy

You aren't

It just makes you sound ignorant

I am not asking you to change who you are

But maybe

You should try being who you really are

And not pretending to be happy all the time when your not internally

Cause everyone can accept others down days

Isn't it sad that a person who used to be held in such a high manner

Or was given a high title in another person's life

Such as best friends, boyfriend/girlfriend and etc

Then gets demoted

To acquaintances, 'friend' and etc

It's not a great feeling when your on the receiving end

Especially when you have hope

Like a 'friend' of mine once said

You can't make everyone happy

Such a bullshit quote by the way

In life, it doesn't matter what others feel

It's more on how YOU feel

Fuck all these strangers

In the end

Mati tak bawak pun kawan2 tu pergi kubur kan?

And yes

This is an angry/tired/stressed/whiny/pms-y post

So bear with me and respond to me

Or die and go to hell

I am not joking

Oh god

I have no idea why I am so angry these days

I do let out all my frustrations in training

But give me an hour before I start thinking about everything

College, studio, things to do, people, 'friend'S

Ugh. fuck la.

Salute

Excuse Me Mr Concession Man Sir.

2010-11-30T10:53:00.002+08:00

I was walking to the studio when I saw a yellow beetle bug

I just had to take a picture since I can't hit someone ;)

Its an inside joke

Anyway,

I was wondering what is the difference between being cocky and being confident?

In my opinion, being confident is when a person has a skill or has a knowledge that others don't which would in turn give that person a sense of security and power, which could be translated as being confident

Where as being cocky is when a person that has a skill or knowledge others don't, starts flaunting it around and using that sense of security and power to get what he/she wants

I am neither cocky nor confident

My aunt would say that you tend to gain more confidence after getting more than one degree

And when you have a secure job and money to buy things

To which I do not have any of those aforementioned

I dislike those who brings people down with their words

I know that is very hypocritical of me

As I do say things to my siblings and friends as a joke

Usually friends would know that it was a joke

I don't usually prolong a joke that brings people down

I am pretty secure with my body image

I know I am not obesely fat nor am I shockingly skinny

When people who I considered as friends start calling me fat and criticizing my food intake

That I can take, but when they say I need to amp up my training cause of my so called fatness

And then criticizes me for doing so (the training)

Then doubts starts to emerge in my head

'Am I really fat? Do I need to start losing weight?'

Well you know what?

Fuck you to all those haters that pretends to be my 'friends'

I know this may sound angry

But really I'm not

I am comfortable with my body

And those who bring me down will need to be weeded out from my life

I don't need any negative energy in my life

I have enough of that from myself

Another issue

I use to bottle things up

I use to pretend I was happy when in fact I was really messed up inside

I hate it when someone I was close to or someone I love does that

Why pretend?

What would you gain out of it?

True friends and family would stick to you when they see you during your down moments

Salute hoemisters!

I'll Be The Evil Face In The Corner.

2010-11-22T02:03:00.001+08:00

You know its love when the person sticks with you through the hard times

I wish to be that person
Always on your mind
With almost everything you do you remember me
That person that you can't stop thinking of
Has there ever existed a person such as that to you before?

We are close to the end
Can you feel it?

I was talking to a friend
As to if I have changed over the year
I would like to think that i've changed in certain ways
I think I am more patient
I do lash out but not all the time anymore
I can think clearer
I know where to place my anger
More mature to say the least
At least, I hope so
Don't you think so?

On another note
Thanks ms.rokokgulungkurus for the thing you gave me
Lets play soon
Hopefully I won't lose ;D
You know you love me!

Salute

Complex Feelings Confuses Us Again.

2010-11-19T07:26:00.002+08:00

I am not sure how to proceed in this life

They say you must plan your future

But to me planning is just wishful thinking on the planners part

How do you achieve what you plan?

Sure effort can help in order to achieve it

But you wont necessarily get it

It's weird how certain things are always on my mind

I wish it was easy to get away

It does get easier after a while

But sometimes it just hits you hard on the chest

Until you aren't able to breath

Sometimes

It just feels that I am the only one making sense

And I am the only one trying to work things out with you

Too much effort on my part

It takes two to tango

I hope you know that

Salute

Boys With Mops.

2010-11-16T16:37:00.001+08:00

Make me smile
With your wit and body
Tell me you need me
And that you would always be there

Why is it when you want something
You can never have it?
I feel like I am the only one making an effort for everything
And you aren't

I don't know anymore
Salute

Hate It.

2010-11-14T00:10:00.002+08:00

This singer is destined for greatness man!

She has a great voice

Her voice in 'Do it like a dude' acoustic version totally gave me goosebumps

Love her!

On another note

I am thinking of not using my phone anymore

Well for the time being

Maybe for the next semester or something

Since its not like I have anyone at this moment

Who needs me to touch base with them and all

Theres always a purpose as to why someone would to talk to someone else

It could be because of boredom

Or because of sympathy

Or because of anger

All I could hope is that when you talk to me its because you've been thinking about me

Isn't it fun to have someone that thinks about you all the time?

And you are able to think about that person all the time too?

Maybe I should go find someone like that

Not like I have anything better to do

Hahaha... loser la I ni

On another note

I don't find it cool when someone disses another person just because he/she thinks he/she is better than others

I met with a guy today at a gym

He was funny, the way he carried himself and all

His language was colourful to say the least

So I really didn't mind

But the moment he start talking about going all over malaysia finding dojos

And challenging them to a fight

Your putting those people at a disadvantage seeing as your an mma fighter

And the people your fighting with are just muay thai fighters

Totally not cool man

Try sticking to one martial arts and see if you can beat the masters

Ni tak, nak kutuk them all and thinking your the best

But alas every human has a flaw

And yours seems to be being too overconfident and thinking other martial artist are below you

Think about all your lost matches instead of all your wins

Mens

So..... yeah whatever la

Okay kids

Salute

Confused And Just A Little Dazed.

2010-11-11T12:17:00.001+08:00

When someone comes in your life
More than a friend
You tend to give a bit of yourself to that person
So eventhough you've been with that person for a month or 8 years
You gave a part of yourself to that person
You would obviously feel the blow when that person goes

I had a weird dream
That dream felt so real
I woke up with tears in my eyes
I know I am thinking far ahead
But I can't help it
I know I can't predict the future
But I wish I could get what I want sooner rather than later

I was thinking yesterday
Whats the use of having an expensive phone if no one is going to contact me?
Maybe I should go out more and play the field
Just so my phone would make some sounds
The people that I want to contact me never does
Damn sad

Whatever
Cry alone
Salute

Scared.

2010-11-09T01:06:00.003+08:00

Oh fuck. I am so fucked. I am fucking freaking out. shit. what the fuck do I do?

I can't right now. Not with another guy. I want one person. But fuck.

Please don't fall in love with me.

Please. Just don't fall in love with me.

I am not worth it. Not at all.

Help.

Love is what again?

2010-11-08T00:46:00.001+08:00

Love shines even when theres alot of pain and heart ache
This is specifically for you
You know I would be there for you
So let me be there for you

On another note
I love that I can talk about mt with people and learn more
I love being able to run
I love being able to swim
I love that I can hike, eventhough albeit slow due to the smokers lung
Right now I just love being out there
I just wish that I have a certain someone with me to enjoy it with
Too bad so sad la an?

Salute

Light Up My Life Sun.

2010-11-04T06:12:00.002+08:00

On a very light note, slightly whinny note

I am growing darker

Literally!

Its depressing enough to see myself

Either by checking out just like that

Or in front of the mirror

Everyone else has to tell it in my face how tanned I've became

Thanks people

Obviously I can't see the obvious

However

It doesn't matter

Cause I shall be sad alone

On my bed

Trying to recover from being too dark

Bye sad world!

Just Show Up When You Can.

2010-10-31T13:59:00.002+08:00

As always, this song is dedicated to that person

sad but oh well

we are or would do fine soon :)

I don't have any reason to hate anyone

And yes I would do whatever that makes me happy

Although you make me happy

You don't want it

It all right

It takes two to tango

Salutation kids.

So True Innit?

2010-10-26T09:52:00.002+08:00

Tired Tired Soul. Let Me Rest In Peace.

2010-10-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

I am tired of waiting things out

I am just letting things go with the flow

It's like suddenly I do not have the urge to fight anymore

The urge to pursue anyone or anything

If someone wants me or anything from me

They have to come to me

I am just. Exhausted

We can pretend that he/she cares

We can pretend that there is a future for us

We can pretend that we would be fine

But in reality

Nothing would happen if we don't work for it

Nothing would work if we don't have the urge for it

Someone punched my hand,

Or I think I bumped into something

Now it's bruised D:

Haih

What a tiring holiday

Sorry I mean, what a tiring year

So much has happen from this date last year

Tired tired soul, close your eyes and rest with me

Salute

Tell Me You Want Me And That You Love Me.

2010-10-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

That is what I want for my birthday this year, among other things.

My list.
I want a trucker hat, so I can wear to the trip
I want zhose brass knuckles
I want to attend a muaythai match during the trip
I want to buy some equipment, those who know me well would know what I am talking about
I want goggles and swimming suit
Lastly, I want you

And maybe food
Like puri and potatoes
Nyom

Salute

While Waiting For You, I Ate My Heart Out.

2010-10-12T23:54:00.001+08:00

I know I should give a person a benefit of the doubt
But they say there is a bit of truth behind every rumour
So I am stuck in this dilemma
Whether I should be with a guy I don't really care for or don't be with him

Another guy
Another month
I am just playing around with people
Since someone played with me
Hm
What should I do?

Everything has been hectic
I feel like I don't have time to rest
Maybe I should just concentrate on my studies and interest
Rather than people around me

Salute hoebags

Cut It Like A Weed.

2010-10-07T02:50:00.001+08:00

Okay so I lied. Maybe I am not moving on after all. It hurt when I stupidly saw your facebook status. No more.

Spot The Cat.

2010-09-29T07:36:00.001+08:00

Lets not be hasty with our judgement on people
Assuming things and believing in rumours would get you no where

Although a broken heart clouds a person judgement
But how long would that be?
If a person doesn't want to be with you
Why linger?
Every breath, every second is just a wasted moment if the person waits
This isn't a story written in books
There is no romantic happy ending
There is only here and then moment
If you can't make yourself happy either alone or with someone else romantically then dude, you need to get yourself checked

Another moment to which I did not think about you
That I am grateful of
I am moving forward
Although albeit wary of things
But who isn't

Someone had said I am a careful daughter of a careless man
Hahaha is it true?
Maybe
After what i've been through so far
Men are not the most trustworthy of creatures

I wake up every morning
And say to myself
Try not to do any embarrassing things or act desperate today
Haha
Salute hoebags

I'll Just Sit And Stare By The Door.

2010-09-24T07:59:00.002+08:00

Fear is a mind killer
It would disable someone from doing what they want or love
We fear different things from others
Me for instance
I fear flying roaches heading my way
But if we let our fear consume us
How could we ever progress from being a static in an everyday society?

Lets forget the pain and move forward not backwards
To me if someone does not want me even if I told them my feelings
What am I to do?
I can't wait
That person probably has his own reasons
Like fear in his mind or having another girlfriend
Therefore I am throwing skittles in the air, saying aayyy oo, taste the rainbow ;)

With love,
Skittles thrower
Salute

Dark Chocolate Love.

2010-09-17T18:10:00.002+08:00

Give them your best poker face

Cause' that is all you have with you

You have no worth

You have no depth

All you are capable of is hurting those you love

Lets move on from this disaster site

The pain would always be there

A part of me would always be affected by you

But like I say, all you are capable of is hurting those you 'love'

Another guy

Another month

Another box of cigarettes

We could all just hope that I won't die from cancer (:

I am just trying not to feel empty anymore

They say the drive is important

I say the destination is most important

As long as I arrive there and cause the damage I intended

Then it is all cool

Good day y'all

Salute

Angry Cats And Stones.

2010-09-14T11:51:00.002+08:00

I have no idea why but these couple of days I've been so angry and annoyed with everything

Maybe it's because I have no outlet to let the anger out

Or maybe because everything is just being a hoebag to me

I want you

Someone else wants me

But that situation is just... I have no idea how to describe it other than messed up

With all the travelling and meeting up with people.. with your 'I'll-text-you-once-then-never-reply' thing and that messed situation

All adds up to me wanting to hit the shit out of someone

On another note

Someone told me to stop doing my for now favourite activity

I know you are close to me

But what the hell

I never stopped you from doing what you want

Do I go 'acik you should stop teaching or you should just stop researching on things because it might affect us negatively'

No right?

We all have our own choice in doing things

I'll listen to your arguments

But if it means I should stop what I love doing

To which my own mother never asked me to quit

Why would I follow your advice..more like 'command'

Tell me once is enough

You do not have to repetitively remind me how much you want me to quit it

Cause I swear I might just jabcross, leadhook and rear backhand you

(Yes I am writing this post while I am angry)

So long and fuckwell to y'all

Salute

Everything Broken Can Be Fixed With Effort.

2010-09-05T04:59:00.001+08:00

It is general knowledge that if you made a mistake you have to take responsibility and try to redeem yourself
Not hide in a shell from admiting and redeeming from that mistake
Anyone can say they made a mistake but it takes a real man or woman to try to fix what they deem as a mistake

I'll try not to cry anymore
Salute

Laying My Heart Down For You.

2010-09-04T03:38:00.001+08:00

I am physically and emotionally drained
Apparantly to you I love you is not enough
I don't have it in me to encourage you of us anymore
You seem so flippant and at every conner telling me we would never be
That I am not worth the risk

I can't stop the tears anymore
What is supposed to be happy day turned for the worse
Salute

Sleepless night.

2010-09-03T10:27:00.001+08:00

Its been a while this has happen to me
I closed my eyes and all I see is you
I fought through that and tried to sleep
When I slept I dreamt of you
I keep waking up
When I woke up I realized I was crying
I can't handle this
I just can't anymore
Someone just fucking help me

I Want To Fly Like A Kite.

2010-09-03T02:16:00.001+08:00

Someone told me that each boy that enters your life for romance purposes would teach you a lesson in life
Even though you are devastated and he isn't
It is irrelevant
I looked back in my life
And realized how naive I was or am
I thought I would be immune to this love matters
But apparently not

I learned I shouldn't judge someone by their exterior
I learned that even if someone is nice they could still break your heart
I learned that I have to be more patience with everything
I learned that everyone won't stick around in your life for long
I learned that 'i love you' would never be enough
I learned that for others it is better to not wait anymore, but I prefer to wait
I learned that it is better not to fight over petty things
I learned that I shouldn't change someone to suit my need but to accept for who they are
Basically I learned a lot for my meager experience
Some call it baggage, I call it lesson in life

Okay on another note
Tomorrow is the big day!
Ho my! So excited! :D
Hope nothing goes wrong
I might need to do a celebratory or depressing dinner after it
After this can smoke back
Damn I need some ciggies!
Salute

Tell Her To Stop Crying.

2010-08-30T05:46:00.002+08:00

This song is about a person who was in a long term relationship

Who didn't get to tell the other person how much he/she meant

We can cry and say what we want

But in the end

What's done is done

No use to care when the other person could careless about it

It was weird

I still feel that jab in the heart knowing you've easily moved on

But knowing so

I tried to move on also

It's hard, really hard

But it's not like it matters to you

I find it weird why anyone would like me now

HAHA I am kind of a big emotional mess

I am pretty sure anyone can see it

Especially with my dishevelled look(not really) and faltering smiles

We all are emotional messes

But some covers it better than the rest

Why cover it man?

If you want something go get it

Ni tak nak

Nak cover cover.. fucking jackass(I am referring to you.. you know who you are jackass who left me)

Okay people!

Pray for my success this coming saturday

Last saturday got cancelled so it was postponed to this coming saturday

I am so stoked!

But scared mainly but still stoked!

Hopefully everything goes well :D :D :D

Haaa can't waaaiitt :D

I am pausing on my smoking habit till next saturday ends

Haaa excited!

Salute kiddies!

We See Many Faces.

2010-08-25T10:47:00.001+08:00

In life we would encounter various people
Sometimes we get hooked with certain people
But we have to try to move on when that person doesn't want to do anything with us
Thats what I am doing
Although it doesn't seem like its working
At least I am trying

On a different note
Pray for my success this saturday!
I hope everything goes smoothly!
:D
If it does, I am going to buy the green wraps that I wanted so much
Hehe
(:

Smoking up a storm at night
Salute

Food For Thought.

2010-08-21T17:07:00.001+08:00

This is a picture before all the drama went down
Car breakdowns, running in kurungs while fasting in the middle of the jam, and getting lost.. Twice
Aah the good times :b

I just want to say this to two people who used to be important in my life these past few years
Thanks for leaving and thanks for not waiting
May life bring you happiness and I hope you die early (:
With love(not) and hope(for you to die) from me

Damn
I feel like a tool after a week of inactiveness
Need to go get fresh with some people on monday
Maybe I would be less.. Aggravated with things or more precisely, people in my life

Need ciggies!
Salute hoes

We Asians, Thats Why We're Always Late.

2010-08-19T05:59:00.001+08:00

You know I love you
But even so
I won't go look for you
If you want anything from me
You have to come to me
Don't let your male pride be in the way of things

We Goin' Findchu, Go And Tell That!

2010-08-18T12:55:00.002+08:00

Ben Harper is a musical genius!

Him and Jack Johnson!

My god!

They are LOVE!

I now know why they love to perform together :D

The day I find a guy who can sing to me like Ben Harper or Jack Johnson

I'll be the happiest! :)))

I love it when I can find songs that could really describe how I feel at the moment

And this song describes my feelings perfectly right now

All mellow and depressed

As I always am

Someone said I was mysterious and hard to read

Is it?

I don't think so?

I perceive myself as an open book

If you know my quirks you could easily read me

On another note

It just dawned on me

That all that someone said before this wasn't actually directed to me

And I all this while was all perasan and thought it was me

Next time I won't assume anything unless anyone tells me straight

I am learning not to read much into peoples actions and ignore people

And I hate impatient guys

Can't guys learn how to control themselves?

I may be easy to hang out with

But I am not easy to get with

Understand?

I kind of hate the idea of being tied down to one person

Especially after what happened the last time around

I'm not into this guys leaving me thing

Why risk it ay?

Alright kiddies

Lets go smoke a storm!

Salute

Light Headed Mess.

2010-08-15T04:19:00.003+08:00

You just want to know how I am

You don't want me

You don't want what we used to have

And that hurts most of the time

The rest of the time is just plain numbness

I am scared

Scared of moving on from you

I am scared that there is no more chance

For us

There are others out there who would want me to move on

But I am just scared

This morning I cried a bit

Realizing the cold hard facts that you don't want me

He makes it better

Talking to him distracts me from this pain and numbness

He doesn't know the extent of how you affected me

But he is there

Unlike you

I wish you were here

But I'll take whatever that is offered to me

I am sure you moved on

So why do I feel guilty?

Why do I feel I shouldn't move on and wait for you?

I am so confused

This is a mess

I want to smoke

But everyone doesn't allow me

Fuck you all

I'll smoke later

Salute

Wishful Thinking My Dear.

2010-08-12T18:11:00.002+08:00

This song has lifted my spirits these few days

Isn't it funny how people manage to make you smile

But it last for so long

However, a great song can lift your spirit and make you smile

And it last far longer than jokes people make

In the song

One of the lyric that struck a chord with me is

'I am a gallery of broken hearts, I am beyond repair let me be'

Don't say I never tried to get back with you

Cause I did

There was a saying I recently read

Broken heart could be mended, but the memories are the killing factors

That is definitely true

Don't you think?

Salute

The Dancing Has To Stop, Please.

2010-08-11T20:52:00.001+08:00

Isn't it confusing
When sometimes spoken word can mean a lot and trully hurt someone
But sometimes the actions that we do can also hurt others more than words
You say you love me
You say you know me
Then why do you never try to contact me and make up back with me?
I am not blaming anyone here
Trully

On another note
The funniest statement of the day was 'I was wondering who was grabbing my butt, I was ready to jab cross the fella'
It was epic!
Hilarious (:

I am not pretty
I am not perfect
I have alot of flaws that I am working on
I am however trying to better myself
I love who I am
But if no one can accept that
Then its better that they stay out from my life

Salute kids

Delusion Clouded Mind and Bruised Body

2010-08-07T09:22:00.002+08:00

This song is dedicated to a certain friend(not anymore) of mine

I was moving on with your help

But then you disappeared

You got me out of my tracks

You got me one step forward three steps backwards

Now I am at the starting point

Losing love, losing friends

In life, nothing sticks around

Your 'love' leaves you

Your apparently 'bestfriend' leaves you

Your family member leaves you

All you got is yourself

I love my bruised body

Equilibrium can never be so perfect

The pain, the bruises, the blood

So perfect to reflect the inner pain

I love it

You got me on my knees, shackled and chained

And all I want to do is forget the past and pain you inflict on me

WOWZA stop being so emotional and poetic qis

Time for more pain (:

Salute

We Are All Alone

2010-08-01T08:35:00.001+08:00

I was recently reading an article about decoding what guys really mean when the say certain statements
For example 'you are too good for me' means he wants to break up with you
He is just buttering you up so he would avoid confrontation
And 'you deserve someone better' also means he wants out from the relationship
All I could think when I was reading it was
'Nice, thanks mr.whoeverwrotethisarticle your a few months too late. I kind of figured that out when he dumped my sorry ass'

I don't understand certain people
They expect me to go to them all the time
I have to initiate contact and all
I have to ask for something from them
But they won't or avoid altogether to find or initiate contact with me
It is kind of discouraging
Not kind of more like it is discouraging
If you want me just say it
If you want anything from me just say it
It's not that hard

When K and my sis was feeding me recently
They kept saying who do you hate
Just punch the shit out of 'em
I just realize i've changed
Cause I might say mean things, but I don't hate anyone
My anger last just for a short while

Ciggies makes me happy
Alcohol makes me happy
Goodstuff makes me happy
You make me happy
Since you don't want me, I'll just stick to the rest
:/
Salute kiddies

Make It Alright Please?

2010-07-27T22:26:00.002+08:00

Hm.

I wonder if anyone actually sees the videos I post?

Let me guess

No? (:

Free country, do whatever man

Emotions: Mix between apathy and sadness

1 guess why so? (:

Are you proud of your actions?

Are you happy with whatever you have done?

Are you arrogant enough to not admit you are wrong?

I found a solution to my previous dilemma

Just smile and walk away before breaking down

No one cares what you do after you walk away

No one would find you and berate you for crying

I finished my pack of ciggies of the week already

Anyone wants to buy me a new one?

I would love you forever!

The person I want doesn't want my love

So I'll give it to anyone who would buy me a new pack

Salute kiddies

Blurry Nothingness is All I See.

2010-07-25T23:19:00.003+08:00

Stand and stare

Sit and stare

Lie down and stare

What should I do when all I want to do is curl up and cry?

Should I resist temptation and just smile?

Or should I go to another place with no people and bawl my eyes out?

Or cause physical pain to myself without anyone noticing it to distract me?

It seems that you got me down

Its hard

But you don't seem to care

Salute

Bruises and Scratches

2010-07-23T00:24:00.001+08:00

I need to be distracted
I love how things are moving
It is moving fast enough to distract me
But yet
There are always gaps where I could think
Think of things I know isn't healthy for me
It doesn't matter to others
It does to me

My body aches
All over
I love that
When I am hurt
I don't think about you

Salute to fading friendships

Bouncin' Around The Padded Room, My Dear.

2010-07-19T22:48:00.003+08:00

'Imagination, go! and free me from your secrets,

Heavy and cold as stone,

Well does any one love me?

'Cause I asked the deep sea,

But it wouldn't speak to me,

My darling I'm sorry'

Blue Roses, Does Anyone Love Me Now

When silence is the only thing accompanying you,

Many a things come to visit your idle mind

Does that make sense?

My mind ponders on things I know I shouldn't

Things that are useless

Recent development with friends, or former friends

I don't know

Everything is losing its appeal to me

Everything just seems irrelevant

What I used to perceive as important

Is inconsequential as for now

And no, I am not depressed

Had fun?

Cause I didn't

I need to smoke

Salute

Life Stops For A Second When I Close My Eyes.

2010-07-16T09:50:00.003+08:00

This song has no relations to this post

Its just a nice song by Ronan Keating

Although albeit random, its still a good song (:

Have you ever felt that life seize to exist, the world seize to exist

For a second when you close your eyes?

The feeling as if nothing else matters

Assignments, legal responsibilities, family problems, fading friendships

Everything just fades behind to nothingness

Ever felt that way?

Lately I get that feeling often

Someone once asked about a political situation randomly

All I could think of was,

'Yes, our living situation might change

Or be affected by change of governing parties,

However, honestly, when it boils down

Politics, is just a mere distraction us human use

To distract us from what really is important in life

Our family, friends, ourselves and god'

Recently, many have told me that I am depressed

Its getting slightly annoying

Yet it doesn't bother me

I know that I am not

Think what you want

But I know who I am

What I feel

Who are these people to tell me what I am not feeling?

You might be close to me (or use to)

But you would never know how I really feel on something

Another day, another nothingness

Another week of being in a midst of black and white

I can't wait for this hectic situation to end

I am so tired of all of this

Tired of being busy

Tired of work

Tired of being left behind by others

Tired of being ignored

Just. Tired.

Life as it is, is meaningless without purpose

To which I have yet to find

Salute

Close Your Eyes, I Am Trying To Tell You Something My Dear.

2010-07-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

I don't think I make sense to myself anymore

It scares me

I can't express myself with spoken words anymore

I kept myself from thinking about you

I kept smiling and laughing at things that isn't that funny

I distanced myself from who I used to be

I can't see myself anymore

I just can't

I passed by a place that we used to meet

It wasn't by choice whatsoever

The moment I took the turning

I realized where I was

It was as if I couldn't breathe

All the air was punched out of me

I couldn't think

I was driving purely on reflects

Have fun there

You won

Salute

5.7.10

2010-07-05T20:17:00.002+08:00

Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Hold up
Give me time to breathe
Oh wait you have
Too much in fact
What do I do what do I do
Do you remember me?
Cause' I remember you
Stop moving
Just stop moving
Would you still hug me if you saw me?
Or just your new girl friend?

Thanks for the distraction mr.everythingisaboutlooks

I needed it, since not everyone remembers me (:

It's okay, we can be insecure and have low self esteem together! :D

I think I run on teh o ice limau and cigarettes lately
Its crazy painful
Salute

Tis' The Time For A Stick Of Cigarette, Dear Kids.

2010-07-02T19:54:00.003+08:00

This song has been in my head for several days

I have no idea why..

Haha actually I do

Just see the lyrics

And I am pretty sure everyone can understand why

No matter how much I beat something up

No matter how much pain I go through

No matter how much pondering I do

No matter how much money I spend on things

No matter how much I flirt with others

No matter how much I laugh at things

No matter how much effort I put in forgetting you

My mind would always wonder back to you

This is getting pathetic ain't it?

Not like I didn't swallow my pride and tried talking to you

But you ignored it

Moving on just like it meant nothing to you

Feeling nothing

I prefer feeling numb than remembering you

I need a cigarette

But I just finished half a pack a while ago

Maybe later

Stay happy

Salute

Hurt Soles

2010-06-30T01:32:00.001+08:00

You know what is annoying?
Having hurt soles
You can't stand properly since it hurts too much
So all you can do is sit or lie down
Which would make you feel like an invalid
Sorry if anyone is disturbed with my ugly legs
But who cares
It is my blog

To ms.ihaveafriendthatlovestocopyme
Don't wallow in sadness
Mushi was well loved by your family
She lead a good and pampered life
She was the only cat I liked
Stay strong

Salute

29.6.10

2010-06-29T00:02:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday my love
Even though we aren't together anymore

25.6.10

2010-06-25T18:27:00.001+08:00

Mix emotions high in the air

It is at these kind of moments

I really wish we were together still

So I can just get a long ass hug from you

And not be confused as to what I should do now

But we aren't together

To them, him, you, or whomever?

I am happy that you are happy

But I won't lie

I do feel cheated

Since I am so close to you

Yet you didn't bother to tell me

About something like this

Hm.

Next week

Not a good week for me

I can sense that there would be a lot of mental breakdowns

But honestly?

Does it even matter anymore?

Of course it fucking doesn't!

Why the fuck should it??

The person I want right now

Would never be with me anymore

So really, why the fuck does it matter?

Salute

20.6.10

2010-06-20T05:45:00.002+08:00

Whenever I hear this song

I just can't help but cry to it

Stupid fucking song

Stupid tears

Just plain stupid me

After a sea of black and white the whole day

In a room of apple green

I stare down a bloody red sink

Time and time again

It isn't that much

At times it is

It hurts to breath now

Don't you think I deserve that kind of pain?

Do you love me?

Cause I love you

Salute

Thump Thump Thump There Goes My Heart.

2010-06-14T23:32:00.002+08:00

There was a quote I stumbled on

I thought it was true

'No matter what I do, I would always forget to forget you'

I smile

I laugh

I crinkle my nose and eyes while I laugh

I poke fun at people

I give sarcastic remarks to people

But inside its always the same

That constant thump thump thump

That constant feeling in the chest

That travels up to my arms

That reaches to my toes

I close my eyes

And for the past few months

The same thing flashes in my eyes

Its like a messed up TV show

that plays the same rerun every time I shut my eyes

Its getting too much

I realize I have a problem

But I don't know what to do any more

I just. don't.

I am dysfunctional

Please don't love me

I am sick

Literally

Salute

9.6.10

2010-06-09T03:33:00.001+08:00

I am not ready

Not ready for things yet

I just can't get over it yet

I am not sure how to get around this

I wished I knew what to do

I lost count over the packs I finished lately

I want to sleep so badly

Salute

5.6.10

2010-06-05T02:03:00.003+08:00

Joshua Radin - What If You

'I wonder if you'd miss me

When I'm gone

It's come to this, release me

I'll leave before the dawn

But for tonight

I'll stay here with you'

Joshua Radin, What If You

Thank you to ms.imintoaguywholikesbieber
You reminded me what this date was

I am restless
I am senseless
I am anxious
I am just. Selfish
I need something to make me feel better

Thank you for not waiting
Thank you for giving up
Thank you for not wanting to be with me

I realize I haven't smoked since wednesday
Fuck
With today's date

I really need a fucking ciggy

Before I start snapping at innocent bystanders

Innocent bystanders that did not broke my heart

Then stomp on it like it didn't fucking matter

Later proceeded to take what is left of it

Burning it and giving back the ashes to me
Oh sorry dear who ever is reading this
Qis shut you whinny arse
Okay I will

Salute

4.6.10

2010-06-04T13:10:00.001+08:00

Mike Posner - Hey Cupid

A friend of mine said that I can't run from it forever
Well watch me
I would avoid talking about him or anything correlating with him

I had the most
Well not most
But it ranks quite high on my list
I had one scary nightmare
I remember how you used to comfort me
I reached for my phone
Then I remembered we don't even talk to each other anymore

I don't understand why its so hard for me but easy for you!
Its like we were never together in your eyes
Its just not. Fair.

Salute

Waste Of Time

2010-06-01T21:21:00.002+08:00

Carolina Liars - I'm Not Over

Sometimes I just sit back and think

Think about all the things thats going on

About all the things that happened

About all the things that will happen soon

Sometimes I pretend nothing happen

Pretend that it never hurt

Pretend that I never met with certain people in my life

Pretend I never did what I did to certain people

But then reality kicks back in

I tell myself to stop bluffing to myself

To stop crying

To stop this shit

I am just so tired

Exhausted is an understatement

I won't lie

When I close my eyes I see things I don't want to any more

I wonder

Do you ever think of me?

I think something in me changed

But you don't care

'Hold on to whatever you find baby

Hold on to whatever helps you get through

Hold on to whatever you find baby

I don't trust myself with loving you'

Mike Posner, I Don't Trust Myself

Ill stop crying when I know I could pull through this

Its easier said than done

Distractions only work so far

Only last for so long

Before I start remembering again

You or others might not agree to my distraction methods

You have no say in this

Unless you want to distract me

Don't tell me what to or not to do

A friend once said, green is the new white

true.

I need a new stash

Salute

29.5.10

2010-05-29T08:14:00.001+08:00

Joshua Radin feat Maria Taylor - When You Find Me

Theres no words to be said
Everything is numb
Everything is static
There is not much that I can say these days other than shallow nonsensical things
I think I lost it
It was cathartic
Emotionally and physically
I found that equilibrium I wanted so badly
Now most of the time I am just numb
Just moving with the motions of things

I miss you, and I love you something fierce

Cancer sticks or green sticks?
Salute

Let It Go With A Whisper Of Hope.

2010-05-24T21:25:00.002+08:00

Jack Johnson - Sleep Through The Static

Can you feel it in your bones?

In your core?

The pain that is created through hours and hours

Of useless, well in a way it wasn't useless, ways we do

To achieve what now we think as our greatest achievement

In our short life what we deem as important at this very moment.

Wow.

Talk about exaggerating?

But this thing we do

This thing we dance around every few months

What would we achieve in the end?

Absolution?

Adoration?

Abomination?

What?

We try to please people we are close with

But in the end, we get burned badly because of it

Can you feel the heat?

I've learned my lesson the moment I got burned

But being the fool I am

I still continue doing it

Still continue wanting to please others

I inhale what I want

I drink what I want

I eat what I want

Who are you to advice me?

Salute

Stop Trying Yesterday.

2010-05-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

it's times like these that i want to shut my eyes

but i can't

all i see behind close lids are things i do not want to see

it just gives too much pain in my chest

and it goes on and on and on

does it gives you pleasure from seeing me in pain?

it is not fair

it wouldn't be fair until i move before you

but i know i am too late

you moved long ago before me

that fact alone hurt me enough

does it matter that i hurt to y'all?

nope obviously it doesn't

'he just walk's around, unaffected' - Jack Johnson, Taylor

good stuff plus ciggies OH! and maybe a bit of jd

is always GOOD (:

Salute

21.5.10

2010-05-21T12:17:00.001+08:00

Jack Johnson - You and Your Heart

If you don't tell me what you want how am I supposed to know?
If you want a hug, ask for it
If you want to borrow money, ask for it
If you want to borrow my eraser, just ask
I don't want to be the only one asking for things

Hope is an old friend
I hope I get some today
I hope it would work out for the best
I hope I would be able to go through this without any problem
Hope hope hope

Do you remember?
All of those times?

Salute

20.5.10

2010-05-20T08:55:00.001+08:00

Jack Johnson - No Other Way

Do you feel?
That pain when you try to think about things your heart doesn't want to?
The silence doesn't change a thing
Maybe to everyone else
Not me
Are you enjoying it?
The silence that exist between us?

Have you slept through the night?
Or in some cases, through the morning?
Good for you
I don't think i've had a night where I slept peacefully for this couple of months

I need a fag
Haha. I just realize
How dependant I am on smoking
But alas that is all I have that hasn't dumped me for shallow reasons
Salute

17.5.10

2010-05-17T13:49:00.001+08:00

Repeat of Nevershoutnever! - Your Biggest Fan

Since I am pretty sure no one actually hears the song I state in my blogposts
I have taken the liberty to write one of the songs and put it up as my today's blogpost photo

By the way
Shut the fuck up
Just because I seem a little bit off
You instantly thought that I was being emo
Dude, not everything revolves around that
Did you not considered I was actually angry at you?
I know I have no rights
But I am kind of getting tired of your hot and cold treatment

Fuck this shit
I hate men
Salute

Almost There. Not.

2010-05-15T10:56:00.001+08:00

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

Bee, i miss you

But it doesn't really matter to you anymore right?

Salute

13.5.10

2010-05-14T07:50:00.001+08:00

Nevershoutnever! - Your Biggest Fan

Don't you think everything is making you suffocated?
Like the responsibility, surroundings, the people and etc are tying you down?
Because of it all you can't breath?

I am a fool to love you
You move on so quickly
(Dari lagu please, jangan perasan. Nak perasan pun boleh)

Yes I know smoking is not good for my health dear public
I can read
I am not stupid

I feel stupid for trying and bothering
But fuck seriously
I need to smoke
Salute

10.5.10

2010-05-11T05:56:00.001+08:00

Stephin Merritt - Smile

Recently, i've been informed by my sister
Of how malay i've become
And I answered 'well I can't help it if I am too malay-sian for you'
Get it? 'MALAYsian'?

I know
I am HILARIOUS! ;)

The people around me are great
Thank you guys
You guys are too good and nice to me

I need the good stuff
And some ciggies
Maybe a bit of alcohol
I would be a happy camper for a while!
Salute

7.5.10

2010-05-08T01:18:00.001+08:00

John Mayer - Who Says

I am taking things with a grain of salt
I was reminiscing a while ago
Looking back at all my old notes
Makes me think back of what a poser and nerd I was
How much i've changed since then
Not to say thats a good or bad thing

I now appreciate things around me more
The people in my life
I love you guys! (:

Salute!

5.5.10

2010-05-05T20:07:00.001+08:00

The Automatics - Monster
Whats that coming over the hills?
Is it a monster??

Imagine me hugging you
Saying its going to be alright, everything would be fine
Because that is whats going to happen
No matter what happens in the future
I know we would be fine

To ms.imcheapandeasy thanks for the distraction
Nanti I belanja you mcd coffee yang you minat sangat ;)

I really need a new box
Salute!

4.5.10

2010-05-04T19:24:00.001+08:00

Joe Purdy - Let Me Sing To You

If you tell me why you love me
Ill sing you any song you want ;)
To ms.mynoseisheavy I won't sing to you since you can't think when I sing

Smoking and breathing poluted air
Salute

2.5.10

2010-05-03T01:53:00.001+08:00

All Time Low - Theraphy

I was happy and content
Although a bit egoistical
But I was happy
I am not going to say I wasn't just cause other perceived I wasn't

Dreams come true in the end ay?

High and drunk soon
I finished my last pack
Time to move on to another pack
Unless the person who gave me my last pack wants to give me more
I doubt it

Salute

29.4.10

2010-04-30T07:18:00.001+08:00

Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending
Its avril but it fits the situation the best

You could've Ignored my blog posts
Its a venting place
I tell my friends or people how I am

I can't do this
What do you want?
I was doing so good
Now all I can do is enjoy the pain
That is what you want right?
Me enjoying the pain?
Apparantly what I do and what I say is contrasting
Just like you also, dear hypocrite
Don't act like you have no idea what I am talking about

Fuck!

28.4.10

2010-04-29T08:18:00.001+08:00

Kate Voegele - I Get It

I've been up long enough now that my whole body is literally numb
I lay on my bed with the feeling of dread and dispair

Would you call to make sure I was fine?
Or would you rather be egoistic and not contact me at all for your own preservation?

Thanks ms.igotogigswithasprainedankle and ms.aremyboobsintheway
(:

Need it, want it, must have it
The good stuff and some ciggies please?
Salute

26.4.10

2010-04-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

Oasis - Wonderwall

Would you be the one that saves me?
I am sick and tired

Salute

23.4.10

2010-04-23T13:23:00.001+08:00

Norah Jones - Chasing Pirates

Its the same routine
Day in day out
I wonder how easy you moved on
I don't have it in me anymore to wonder about if you would ever come back to me
You might remember me
But just enough to not come back
Right?
You have nothing to say to me
Cause you know its not worth your time
Sorry
But I really am worth no ones time
Thats why you never try talking to me but rather more to others

We all have good and bad days
Mine just has been mostly bad days since that fateful day
But its not like you care enough to contact me nay?

Lets get high and drunk
Salute

18.4.10

2010-04-18T12:10:00.001+08:00

Demi Lovato - Don't Forget

I tried to sleep with my lights off last night
The moment I off the lights
I started to think of you
I couldn't take it
So I ended up sleeping with the lights on again

Tell me
Have you already forgotten about me?
Salute

16.4.10

2010-04-16T15:45:00.001+08:00

Kate Voegele - Wish You Were
I have nothing to say other than
Don't do things that you will regret nor should you do nothing that one day you would regret

Salute

12.4.10

2010-04-12T22:10:00.002+08:00

The Kooks - Naive

Its good to know why you did it
Don't say you miss me
When you can't even send me a message

I maybe am saying its your fault we ended
Cause I know you could've done more in our used to be relationship
Say what you actually mean
Don't say things you don't mean please?
All I want is honesty
Actually thats a lie
I want that and so much more

I can't do this
I just don't know what to do anymore

Salute

Cont of 10.4.10

2010-04-11T01:03:00.004+08:00

Honor Society - Don't Close The Book
Its a crappy tuned song
But the lyrics are relevant in this situation

Its not that I don't care about you or anyone
I am just looking at my best interest
Do you see me talking romantically about other guys or girls in my blog post?
Yay nay?
By the way
If we are doing self deprication at our blog
I can go on about how equally bad I am
It takes two to tango and two to mess things up
Hm
Ntahla
I pun tak tahu la
Ntahla

Thanks ms.serialsniffer, ms.aremyboobsintheway and ms.sprainedankle for today
I need the support

'You then, perversely, want time to appear to run forwards because the 'future' is the only place you can see an escape from this intolerable overload of feeling. But at such moments time doesn't move. And if time isn't running, then all events that we think of as past or future are actually happening simultaneously. That is the really terrifying thing. And you are subsumed. You're buried, as beneath an avalanche, by the weight of simultaneous events' - Sebastian Faulks, Engleby

Who is affected more?
You or me?
I need a bloody box so badly right now
Salute

10.4.10

2010-04-10T12:01:00.002+08:00

Jet - Look What You've Done

Bee, I miss you
We are no better than one another
Who are we to say who is better than someone else?
I am not perfect
No one is
You don't know if I would be better off with someone else
Infact I could say the same thing
You deserve someone better than me
You deserve to be with someone who isn't like me
If you want to go out with that girl
Go ahead
I am no longer your girlfriend
You don't love me pun
So whats stopping you bee?

'because it's not love to be static like the desert, nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it's not love to see everything from a distance, like you do' - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I need you?
I need someone now
Salute